


Lower the cost!!!

by muffinnut



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Crack, Discounts, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 18:25:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6918187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muffinnut/pseuds/muffinnut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryoma is in charge of the Dusk Armory, and a restless shopper decides to ruin his day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lower the cost!!!

**Author's Note:**

> this is a crackfic, you can either take it seriously or not.  
> i had fun writing this, especially since Selena is my fav/bias in FE fates, and Ryoma is my other bias.
> 
> oh yeah, there's a reference to another game in this fic. enjoy!

“Selena, please,” Ryoma sweat drops, “I can’t lower the price for this.” 

Ryoma had a long day of work. Maybe it was because of the war against the Invisible Kingdom. Maybe it was the fact that he’s trying to convince the world’s most wasteful shopper to not buy 12 Ginnungagaps.

“ _She can’t even wield tomes_ ,” he thought.

“What! What kind of shopkeeper are you?” she pouted, “Hmph, FINE. Have it your way.” She took the stack of the 12 Ginnungagaps and placed it back onto its respective shelves. Ryoma quietly sighed in relief, silently thanking the Dawn and Dusk Dragons. 

However, that thankful bliss came to a halt.

“Hey, Ryoma. What are the discounts for today?” Selena asked, leaning against the counter in interest. Oh dear, Ryoma started to sweat underneath his clothing. This isn’t gonna end well.

“There’s a discount on swords for today,” Ryoma confirmed whilst pulling a straight face, a contrast to his inner turmoil. Selena slowly creeped up a grim smile. 

“ _That’s not a good sign_ ,” he thought.

“You stay there, Lord Ryoma!” She smiled as she pointed at Ryoma’s nose, “I’m gonna go to the sword section!” She dramatically turned, her pigtails fluidly followed every bounce in her step as she approaches her destination.

Instantly, she came with almost the whole section. 3 Silver Swords, 4 Brave Swords, 2 Armorslayers, one Wyrmslayer, 5 Killing Edges, and finally one Levin Sword. Ryoma thought he was gonna pass out. 

Selena laid the weapons across the counter. With a ‘huff’, she placed her hands on her hips. The smirk Selena gave Ryoma wanted him to run. Run far, far, away from here.

“Selena! This is ridiculous!” he exasperated, eyes widening as the cost stacks up on his accounting sheet. “We can’t— The army can’t afford this! 69,800 gold? Really?” 

His composure was slackening, his legs were shaking, his arms felt like spaghetti. 

“Hmph, that’s where you’re wrong, Lord Ryoma!” Selena shook her head, folding her arms around her torso, “Can’t you see the discount prices on these swords? 70% discount!”

She did have a point. Ryoma reluctantly did the math. The intense gaze of the redhead made Ryoma fumble a bit, forcing him to do the math all over again.

“ _Damn it! I’m the prince of Hoshido for Dawn Dragon’s sake. I shouldn’t be acting like this,_ ” Ryoma berated himself. After what seems to be a millennium, he finally found the final cost of all these swords.

“The final cost is 20,940 gold, which is more than a third of the army savings,” Ryoma stated, he slowly leaned against the counter, “Selena, I don’t think you should shop so aimlessly. First, the 12 Ginnungagaps, now this. You need to—“

“HOLD IT!” she yelled, pulling pieces of paper out of her pockets, “You see here, Lord Ryoma, these are discounts for weapons. It states that ‘for every two pieces of weaponry, you add 10% off to the final price.”

Ryoma was flabbergasted. He slammed his arm on the counter, started to sweat more, and his breathing became ragged. Why, Why was he assigned to be a shopkeeper? Of all days, it was this one. 

“There’s 16 pieces of weaponry I've brought to this counter,” Selena stated as she smacks the pieces of paper, “So if you do the math, I have a 80% discount on the final price. Making the FINAL final price… 4,188 gold!” 

Selena raised her arm, slamming the discount and 4,188 gold onto the counter. She planned this all along. Flamboyantly, she bowed, letting her right arm go under her chest and her left arm sticking out. Humming, she took the 16 swords out of the counter, and left Ryoma face planted against the desk. 

Out of breath, Ryoma concluded that he needs to take a nap and to tell Corrin to never make him a shopkeeper. Ever. Again.


End file.
